The Five Principles of Marriage Counseling

The Five Principles of Marriage Counseling

Any individual who has said “I do” recognizes that marriage can be extremely difficult. Along with great rewards come serious challenges, and both partners must put forth an adequate amount of effort in order for a marriage to be successful. When a couple faces marital problems, the sooner problems are addressed and resolved the better. However, it is common for struggling couples to replay old arguments, find themselves consumed with anger, and resurrect past hurts, as conflicts often remain unresolved for long periods of time. Based on such common human patterns as failing to resolve issues and acknowledge emotions, it is a logical step for couples to seek the support of a professional.

The first principle of marriage counseling involves shifting the views of the relationship in question; the process of helping both partners understand their own behavior, as well as the behavior of their partner. The counselor works to observe exchanges between both partners, and seeks to identify the factors which dictate interactions. A variety of counseling strategies are used within marriage counseling, but a universal goal of such therapy involves supporting couples in understanding their own behavior and feelings, the behavior and feelings of their partner, and the positive and negative impacts of their interaction.

The second principle of marriage counseling involves modification of dysfunctional behavior. Effective marriage counseling seeks to encourage changes in the way in which couples interact and treat each other. This step may involve formal and careful assessment in making a determination about any client risks as a result of a dysfunctional environment. In the case of non-severe risks, the counselor may initiate procedures meant to decrease escalation of conflict, and/or make recommendations about additional steps a couple can take to better themselves and their situations.

Marriage counseling recognizes that emotional avoidance is common in struggling/at risk marriages, and the third principle of marriage counseling refers to decreasing emotional avoidance. When couples avoid expressing their feelings, they often become emotionally distant and may find themselves growing apart.

There are several therapeutic approaches which a counselor may take in effective marriage counseling in relationship to treating emotional avoidance. One approach that may be taken within marriage counseling is called attachment based couples therapy, a method which encourages partners to feel less afraid of expressing needs for closeness by identifying a failure to develop secure emotional attachments in childhood. Another approach that may be taken is known as behaviorally based therapy, a strategy based on the assumption that adults often fear expression of their true feelings due to a lack of “reinforcement” from others. Though there are multiple approaches for treating emotional avoidance in marriage counseling; all share the common goal of developing increased closeness and a more deepened understanding of one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of one’s partner.

The fourth principle of marriage counseling is the improvement of communication between a married couple. Effective communication serves as an imperative ingredient within intimacy, and marriage counseling often involves coaching individuals to speak to each other in more compassionate and supportive words. Counselors often support married individuals in learning to listen more actively and empathetically; as therapy recognizes that effective communication is not only about expressing one’s own feelings, but also about listening to others and considering the emotions and needs of their partner.

The fifth principle of marriage counseling refers to promoting strengths. When marriages are “in trouble”, it is easy to pin-point weaknesses and problem areas. However, marriage counseling recognizes the importance of promoting a marriage’s strengths as well. In effective marriage counseling, the counselor encourages the couple to define strengths themselves and build upon them, outlining a couple’s positive aspects as much as possible.

Individuals in struggling marriages often experience immense stress, remorse and anger. They may feel tempted to give up and lose hope that they will ever feel happiness with their partner again. It is important for married couples to recognize that marriage counseling can be an effective means of strengthening their relationship. Through the five principles of effective marriage counseling, couples are provided with the opportunity to share emotions, communicate effectively and both build and maintain a closer and healthier relationship. Self-empowerment NH, LLC, a counseling company located in Concord, NH uses the five principles of marriage counseling to support couples in improving their relationships. Specific assessment measures are taken as a means to identify a couple’s needs, the nature of a couple’s interactions and a couple’s strengths and weaknesses. Such assessments are used as a catalyst for treating individual couples and initiating more positive and healthy marriages. If you or someone you know is interested in seeking effective marriage counseling, contact Lori Magoon, MLADC, LCMHC at (603)470-6937 or selfempowermentnh@gmail.com. Open the door to self-empowerment.