The
Five Principles of Marriage Counseling
Any individual who
has said “I do” recognizes that marriage
can be extremely difficult. Along with great rewards come serious challenges,
and both partners must put forth an adequate amount of effort in order for a marriage to be successful. When a
couple faces marital problems, the sooner problems are addressed and resolved
the better. However, it is common for struggling couples to replay old
arguments, find themselves consumed with anger, and resurrect past hurts, as
conflicts often remain unresolved for long periods of time. Based on such
common human patterns as failing to resolve issues and acknowledge emotions, it
is a logical step for couples to seek the support of a professional.
The first principle of marriage counseling involves shifting
the views of the relationship in question; the process of helping both partners
understand their own behavior, as well as the behavior of their partner. The
counselor works to observe exchanges between both partners, and seeks to
identify the factors which dictate interactions. A variety of counseling
strategies are used within marriage
counseling, but a universal goal of such therapy involves supporting
couples in understanding their own behavior and feelings, the behavior and
feelings of their partner, and the positive and negative impacts of their
interaction.
The second principle of marriage counseling involves
modification of dysfunctional behavior. Effective marriage counseling seeks to encourage changes in the way in which
couples interact and treat each other. This step may involve formal and careful
assessment in making a determination about any client risks as a result of a
dysfunctional environment. In the case of non-severe risks, the counselor may
initiate procedures meant to decrease escalation of conflict, and/or make
recommendations about additional steps a couple can take to better themselves
and their situations.
Marriage counseling
recognizes that emotional avoidance is common in struggling/at risk marriages,
and the third principle of marriage
counseling refers to decreasing emotional avoidance. When couples avoid
expressing their feelings, they often become emotionally distant and may find
themselves growing apart.
There are several therapeutic
approaches which a counselor may take in effective marriage counseling in relationship to treating emotional
avoidance. One approach that may be taken within marriage counseling is called attachment based couples therapy, a
method which encourages partners to feel less afraid of expressing needs for
closeness by identifying a failure to develop secure emotional attachments in
childhood. Another approach that may be taken is known as behaviorally based
therapy, a strategy based on the assumption that adults often fear expression
of their true feelings due to a lack of “reinforcement” from others. Though
there are multiple approaches for treating emotional avoidance in marriage counseling; all share the
common goal of developing increased closeness and a more deepened understanding
of one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of one’s partner.
The fourth principle of marriage counseling is the improvement
of communication between a married
couple. Effective communication serves as an imperative ingredient within
intimacy, and marriage counseling
often involves coaching individuals to speak to each other in more
compassionate and supportive words. Counselors often support married individuals in learning to
listen more actively and empathetically; as therapy recognizes that effective communication
is not only about expressing one’s own feelings, but also about listening to
others and considering the emotions and needs of their partner.
The fifth principle of marriage counseling refers to promoting
strengths. When marriages are “in trouble”, it is easy to pin-point weaknesses
and problem areas. However, marriage
counseling recognizes the importance of promoting a marriage’s strengths as
well. In effective marriage counseling,
the counselor encourages the couple to define strengths themselves and build
upon them, outlining a couple’s positive aspects as much as possible.
Individuals in struggling marriages often experience immense
stress, remorse and anger. They may feel tempted to give up and lose hope that
they will ever feel happiness with their partner again. It is important for married couples to recognize that marriage counseling can be an effective
means of strengthening their relationship. Through the five principles of
effective marriage counseling,
couples are provided with the opportunity to share emotions, communicate
effectively and both build and maintain a closer and healthier relationship. Self-empowerment
NH, LLC, a counseling company located in Concord, NH uses the five principles
of marriage counseling to support
couples in improving their relationships. Specific assessment measures are
taken as a means to identify a couple’s needs, the nature of a couple’s
interactions and a couple’s strengths and weaknesses. Such assessments are used
as a catalyst for treating individual couples and initiating more positive and
healthy marriages. If you or someone you know is interested in seeking
effective marriage counseling, contact Lori Magoon, MLADC, LCMHC at
(603)470-6937 or selfempowermentnh@gmail.com. Open the door to self-empowerment.
